You might not equate Portland with ‘guy’s weekend’. One episode of Portlandia will leave you thinking this is a place overrun by feminists and hipsters. The reality, however, is that Portland has exactly what you need. What makes it such a great city is the balance of mainstream and counterculture. Boil everything down, and this is a place that specializes in three things: food ( ranked best food city in the US), beer ( largest craft brewery market in the country) and strip clubs ( most strip clubs per capita of any American city). So yeah, you couldn’t find a better place to hang with the guys. Knowing guys weekends don’t happen often, it’s important to do it right. Here's how.
During the Day
Once you’re checked in, and have some obligatory shots of Mount Hood (you know, for the Instagram), it’s time to venture out.
Just outside Portland is the Columbia River Gorge, a long canyon of day-hikes that range from an ‘easy stroll’ to ‘let me rest for five minutes, damnit!’ It hosts the most iconic shots of the Pacific Northwest, and is a great way to sweat out toxins from the night before. The Nines hotel can book you a rental car, and you can be back in town by happy hour. Otherwise, get exploring the city. Portland can be covered in a day, and a bike is the best way to do it. Pedal Bike Tours offers a wide range of tours (including ‘bike and hike’ tours in the Gorge), and has the most engaging staff.
Breweries and Bars
Time to drink. First stop should be Bailey’s Taproom , a sleek bar with over 25 beers on tap. Even your buddy who calls himself a ‘beer snob’ can find something here, and then some.
A few pints later, head up the street to Clyde Common . This is a lively, energetic spot known for its stiff drinks and savory meats. Get the pork shoulder…trust us.
Jackknife is a bar three blocks away, and is the perfect spot to start your night. The line builds around 9pm, so you’ll want to time it right.
You’ve got options now. If your mojo’s cookin’, grab an Uber and head to Old Town - this is Portland’s cluster of clubs and the hotspot for meeting ladies.
Strip Club Central
If you’re ready to really bro out, it’s time to dive into Portland’s strip clubs. Here are three of the best. Lucky Devil : Red velvet wallpaper, gas fireplace, copper-plated bar…this is a true gentlemen’s club. The girls seem to really enjoy working here - you’ll have a great time without feeling hustled. Devil's Point : The girls are both beautiful and friendly. If you stick around for Sunday night, you must hit ‘Stripparaoke’ (yes, exactly what it sounds like). It’s a cab ride away, but an absolute must.
Kit Kat Club : Talented girls here with multiple stages. It’s also right next to the world-famous Voodoo Doughnuts - lap dances followed by a bacon-maple donut is a great way to end the night. Scratch that, it’s the best way to end your night.
Food and Lodgings
If you’ve got some juice left in the morning, catch a killer brunch down the street at Mother’s Bistro . Two words: bottomless mimosas.
Stay at The Nines hotel - the most luxurious accommodation, bar none. When the Lakers come to town, this is where they stay. It’s in the heart of downtown, and just the lobby is eight floors above ground level. Keep going up and you hit Departure - a pan-Asian restaurant headed by world-famous chef Gregory Gourdet, the finalist in Top Chef. Grab your first drink on Departure’s decks, ranked within America’s top-10 rooftop bars, and enjoy the best views of the city.
Looking for round two? Get roadtripping with the lads - this guide from LA to San Francisco shows you how.